Words From The Warden
Rumors & Gossip
Last Sunday, Wayne Piper complimented what I was wearing. I have always enjoyed colorful clothing, especially during the summer months, so his comment caught my attention. Wayne said I had on a “really gay outfit.” Paul Kikeli interpreted that to mean fun and colorful, which brought back a memory from my freshman year at Ohio Northern University.
When I arrived at Ohio Northern, we did not know who our roommates would be until move-in day. I was the first of the three of us to arrive, and I soon learned that one roommate was from Avon High School, located directly south of my own school.
I already knew Dave because we had traveled together to Buckeye Boys State during the summer of 1973, along with a student from Avon Lake High School. Seeing a familiar face made me feel thrilled and relieved. Now, let’s fast-forward to the end of our first year.
As the second semester drew to a close, I began wondering who I might room with the following year. Dave had not seemed especially eager to live with me during much of our freshman year, so I was genuinely surprised when he asked whether I would like to room with him as a sophomore.
I accepted right away. I told him I was pleased that he had asked, but I also wondered what had changed his mind.
That was when Dave explained that, during our first month at school, he had told people on our floor that I was gay. When I asked why, he recalled the trip to Buckeye Boys State, when the three of us sat together in the back seat. I had tried to start a conversation with Dave about sports, since he was an outstanding basketball player. When he did not seem interested in talking, I turned my attention to Gene from Avon Lake, whose interests centered on band, chorus, and music. Gene was willing to engage, so we carried on a conversation.
Dave had interpreted my interest in musical activities as a sign that I was gay. Looking back, his conclusion said more about assumptions and gossip than it did about who I was.
Of course, I laughed so hard that I could barely breathe. But once the laughter settled, several memories suddenly made sense:
Doors would close as I walked down the hall.
I never had to wait for a shower because, if other guys were already there, they quickly cleared out.
I had almost no friends on my floor, even though I had plenty of friends elsewhere on campus.
What had once seemed strange now appeared in a different light. A rumor I had not even known about had quietly shaped how some people treated me.
Over time, Dave’s opinion of me began to change. During school breaks, we went on double dates together, and he got to know the girls I was dating. He also came to see that my interests were not limited to one category: I loved both sports and music.
Most of all, Dave learned that I was simply someone who enjoyed conversation. I would gladly talk with almost anyone who was willing to talk with me.
In the end, his first impression gave way to a fuller understanding of who I was.
I was fortunate that the rumors Dave spread became more of an inconvenience than a lasting wound— even something we could laugh about. Still, the experience reminded me that careless words can shape how people see and treat one another.
Proverbs 18:21 teaches that “the tongue has the power of life and death,” and Ephesians 4:29 urges us to use our words to build others up rather than tear them down. That is why harmful talk matters, even when it seems small or harmless at the time.
When I refereed, we had a saying: “Silence cannot be misquoted.” Yet this story also reminds me that silence can sometimes be misinterpreted.
Dave and I went on to share a long and meaningful friendship. We roomed together throughout college and stood up for one another at our weddings. Like good friends often do, we learned from each other, supported each other, and grew because of the relationship.
Looking back, both of us learned an important lesson:
Rumors can wound people in ways they may never fully see.
Assumptions can distort the truth about another person.
Words should be used to encourage, strengthen, and build up others.
In the end, our friendship became stronger than the gossip that once stood between us.
Peace,
Henry Zaborniak, Senior Warden